Energy Transfer

IG Pic Cred: amarufz

We all get all of our energy from the Sun in the sky, but what about when we are born? Where does that spark come into our lives?

We have all heard the saying that 'dads are different from moms' and besides what's between their legs it can have more than one layered meaning. In my experience every young adult goes through an argumentative, turbulent, rough time with their parent of the same gender identity. Stereotypes of this are the teen daughter who hates her mom, and the son who loves his chill dad. This is not a common family experience everywhere, but in America almost the standard. To uncover the depth of it though we must consider the bond generally found between parental figures and their children, especially the parent that birthed the child.

Same sex parents typically find a deeper connection to their children than those of the opposite sex. This can be acquainted with the child experiencing boy/girlhood currently which the parents have already lived through once. The same sex parent feel a sense of oneness with their kid and wants to give them "advantages" they may not have had back in the day. Hindsight is always 20/20 though and not every kid needs every advantage. This is even harder when we talk about the mothers who grow the child. Researchers of Social Cogitative and Affective Neuroscience found that, "following pregnancy, mothers' socioemotional neural system shifts to support empathy and care of their child". This means that while growing the child the mother feels a deeper connection even in their neural system. Dads don't have the same benefit because they aren't going through the ten month time of growing and developing a human. Both parents have the benefit of some soul attachment since they created the human together.

Since this is a common stereotype what is changing with dads and why? Most dads are finding they can strengthen their connection to their kids by extreme empathy and understanding. It takes time and loosening of the ‘ego’ in the psyche, but it can be done! Too many parents nowadays are single ones, so the expectation of dual support is fading. Not every solo dad throws on the superhero cape and does it all, some abandon their responsibility completely. According to Census.gov, "20.2% (about 7 million) are “absent” dads of all of their minor children". Which means this issue is a bit more in the majority comparatively to the 6% who are single dads. While many factors impede this one of the major ones is the fact young dads are just not ready to "do it", meaning the emotional labor mentioned previously, that comes with raising a tiny human. My dad threw on the cape and still does from time to time. I also have coworkers who can't get the father of their children on the phone even if they paid him!

It is a complex a deep issue that could have a root in jealousy. Some dads may feel it unfair they don’t have the same connection with their child; or never think they can have it; or be jealous it is so easy for the mother to connect. Instead of wishing they had a connection like the mother to the child, it seems the father of the child should be more focused on the well-being of the one who made it. Many mothers suffer from post partum depression due to the strain and intensity of child bearing. A part of their soul and the fathers just help make a new human entirely from cells. It is a new and challenging experience for all involved. It is a miracle that should be celebrated and supported from every way possible, but also the choice of the child bearing parent. Not everyone can bring this kind of miracle into the world but a majority of us will at least enjoy the practice.