Friends That Built Me

IG Pic Creds: martonperlaki

I didn't get a chance to experience my individuality until I was closer to adulthood. I lived a very rigid and religious life until I was closer to seventeen, which may have been more normal than it was for me. It feels almost alienating to speak on because of how white and right-wingeded the place the city was when I grew up. While I did begin to find myself I had to begin to love the new person I was meeting. There were new ideas, beliefs, and morals to navigate and I got to decide all of them. I broke down my religious beliefs down to the white supremacy they grew from and then had to rebuild it back up. Hellenistic polytheism was the best description I could provide for the religion I did find at the end of the rainbow.

As any growing adult, I had to decide which morals I was going to keep from my upbringing and which ones may not have been the best. I thought this process would be easy but the challenging beliefs of my friends proved to be the biggest relief. The amazing women I got the privilege to know, all came from very different beliefs and religious backgrounds that challenged the other. The challenging beliefs were also centered around a centralized one, 'My beliefs don't negate your existence to me'. Nobody took the religion so far they forgot the relationships we all shared. These connections helped teach me things that the Church could have only dreamed. I learned the hard lesson of, it's hard to show others love if you don't show it to yourself; or 'love your neighbor as they self' (Matthew 23:26). I think the 'God' I knew tried to teach this but it came from a place of superiority/transaction. For my friends to like me and for me to like me, I have to do something for them. I grew up with love being transactional and it took me almost two full years to realize there is never a transaction big enough to cover all the love in this world. This raised the question of why try and buy it ? I believe Yahew tried to teach this but the translation got lost. In lame-man terms, there will never be enough stuff to transact sometimes you have to trust. These women never gave any indication they were superior for being the best friends I ever had, they were just themselves. They were light even without trying because that's how love should work.

I found that in my love of things, people, and place, forgiveness flowed after them faster than I could keep up. These traits were things I wanted to blossom so I welcomed the trusting nature that followed. This was a new phenomenon that hadn't happened before I lived on my own. I had to trust myself and love myself to make mistakes when the trust or promise was broken, this kindness expanded into my own life. I was suddenly the protesting liberal activist, I was always told was so intolerant. My family hated change unless it was controlled planned change, which is never the kind of change the universe hands out. In a world that makes everyone feel as if they have no control, you grasp what you can hold. Many of them find solace in an authoritarian government (autocratic leadership) because it promises control they feel they do not have in their life. I decided to welcome the change, and decided to control myself since that's all I could control. This is more in line with a democratic leadership style where you involve the group in decision making. The scary part of this leadership style is the community part, because if you are stuck in late stage communism it can take longer than letting the billionaires do it.

However it turns out, when you take time to soften yourself pain doesn't come rushing through like you may have assumed. Not all change has to hurt but not all change will be what your ego can see that you want. If you believe in a higher power sometimes they are looking out when things don't work out in the instant. If you believe in your community then you can follow this leadership and trust the process. None of this growth would have happened had the people in my life not been there with me. They will tell you they aren't extraordinary but that just makes them more of the fact. You can call and practice however you please, but the Divine will always shine through in the most beautiful ways and it is seen within these sweet friends. I can only hope you find your bright shines in your friends.