Retire The Niceties

Insta Pic Creds: indiengetic

The man who helped me realize I was a 'nice girl' lived in a trailer park. He was twenty six and I was barley eighteen but I loved him more than anything. I loved trying to get him to love me, because it's what I was used to and thought I deserved. I thought that he was the greatest I was going to get and so I crossed every boundary to make sure I had him. The question I and many other retired 'nice girls' may have never asked 'do we even like him?'.

When the conversation surrounding 'nice girls' comes into play it can be a hard topic to discuss. In the past, it seems this only comes up when talking about 'nice guys'; Similar to many other issues that harm men, it is only discussed when they are being called out. I took the conversation really after the relationship previously mentioned ended, and I had to reevaluate my dating strategy. When I was growing up the plan was to wait around for God to bring you a husband. The best analogy I can give for this mindset is being an NPC until your husband comes along and frees you from your NPC-ness. The problem with this mindset is that it practically leaves you a blank slate willing to bend and falter to whomever comes in contact with you; as long as they are of 'God' right?

When/If these men act out of character with 'God' it is harder for the partner to speak up against their bad action. Women or feminine presenting partners may feel as if it is not their place or best interest to disagree. These extra nice women typically feel as if they can't say no and it ruins the relationship for both partners involved. In the best case scenario the male partner may feel as if they can't get supportive feedback from their female counterpart. The men may feel a responsibility to lead but can't find the boundaries, because the nice girl has none.

There is not one solution that fixes all to this 'nice girl' problem, because it reaches deeper into your personal well being. The best starting point to my self work journey was reading books I initially thought were cheesy overall. If you are just beginning your self growth journey I'd recommend Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller and Men Who Love Bitches by Sherry Argov. These two books helped jump start me to better understanding boundaries and how to set them within reason. There will never be a perfect way to set boundaries but understanding and communication goes hand in hand.

There is not one solution that fixes all to this 'nice girl' problem, because it reaches deeper into your personal well being. The best starting point to my self work journey was reading books I initially thought were cheesy overall. If you are just beginning your self growth journey I'd recommend Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller and Men Who Love Bitches by Sherry Argov. These two books helped jump start me to better understanding boundaries and how to set them within reason. There will never be a perfect way to set boundaries but understanding and communication goes hand in hand.